It is always an endless contingency that makes us feel that life is short. No matter if a person is realist, optimist, pessimist or whatever, there are certain aspects that everyone ignores. Maybe we don't wanna know enough about life, who created this world, why are we living, just because it's not possible to find out. Even if we find something, what's the proof its right? But at some point of life, there happens an incident that makes you feel that there is something very important in life, and that's the only thing that matters in this life.
Almost a year ago, I started having the stomach ache. In the beginning, it was bearable, but day by day it kept increasing till a weekend came when it got unbearable. I got up at around 5 am and couldn't sleep again. I avoid going to doctors, but that day I really wanted to see one. On a recommendation, I went to a very good hospital (that was very expensive, well that's how we know certain things are good). The hospital was very clean and professional and yet I didn't like the surrounding atmosphere. The consulting fee itself was quite a lot. I didn't care. I got the appointment with the doctor and was asked to be seated till my turn came. Everyone around me was at unease which was making me feel even more uneasy. When I finally met the doctor, he asked me a few questions and that if I drink alcohol which I answered in negative. He told me that I should be getting an upper endoscopy done which I didn't really want to get done but I just wanted the suffering to go away. The results showed that I had H. Pylori bacteria infection and the treatment was obvious. I was happy that the disease was known and so I just had to take meds for a month or so. I took an auto to go back home and I started having unbearable pain again. I asked the auto driver to stop at a medical shop and I was barely able to stand, asked the shopkeeper to give the meds written in the prescription. I got them, I asked for water which he didn't have. I reached home and took the medicine and I started feeling better. I was almost sure that the suffering would go away now only to find out it getting increasing day by day. I had planned to go home for vacation for 2 weeks but it was happening almost a week before it would have begun.
From next day, I started waking up at around 3 am suffering from a lot of pain. When you feel so much pain, it makes you tired and you just want one thing, to go back to sleep because that would not let you notice the pain. But when you are in so much pain, you can't sleep. I used to get up because lying down didn't help, and then I sat because walking wore me out even more. I just tried to find things that I could eat without making the situation worse but no matter what I ate, I still felt the same pain. And it used to occur at times, for hours. Soon I figured out that taking really hot water shower took away the pain from notice. I used to be in the shower for hours. That part of the day was the only time when I didn't feel the pain. I used to get out of it, start to feel it again, which used to make me go back in it again.
The situation wasn't getting better and I was almost sure that it's the medicines that are making it worse. But I had to take it, the complete course. The whole day I used to be at home, and there was only one person whose company I would like and I actually got that. Someone took care of what I was eating and that I don't feel alone.
I finally went home. On my way back home, I had to stay at my Uncle's place for the night. I did. There was some occasion that day and so the food made was special which I couldn't have eaten because it would have made my condition worse. I had bread sandwiches that were specially made for me and few apple slices. Everyone went to sleep when I started feeling terrible pain again. But I didn't wanna show that to everyone and so I controlled it. I got up during late night when everyone was sleeping, I threw up everything I had eaten. My stomach was empty. I went and have hot water shower for an hour. I came out and tried sleeping but I couldn't. I think I was able to sleep only for an hour or so when other people had woken up and they were talking to each other about why the bathroom floor was so wet. I was listening to them all but I was pretending that I was asleep (and till date they don't know who went to the bathroom and took shower that early). Reaching home that day I felt good. But when you suffer, people who are near you and love you feel sad. My mom did everything she could to make me feel happy and to forget my suffering. Everything.
I still felt the same amount of pain. I was sure that the pain would never ever go away. I was tired of pain, and I was getting used to it. The whole day I just looked forward night to arrive so that I can finish up those meds and sleep. And I remembered all the moments that I had wasted in my life till then in just working and doing things that were of no importance. You want things in life when you are absolutely alright. But when you are not, you just want to become normal and to be able to live a normal life because that is what is extraordinary. I wanted just that. Every day I used to think about things that I would do if I ever get alright. A stomach ache was forcing me to figure out and think about things that are important and really matter. And I was happy for just that part.
(To be continued...)
From next day, I started waking up at around 3 am suffering from a lot of pain. When you feel so much pain, it makes you tired and you just want one thing, to go back to sleep because that would not let you notice the pain. But when you are in so much pain, you can't sleep. I used to get up because lying down didn't help, and then I sat because walking wore me out even more. I just tried to find things that I could eat without making the situation worse but no matter what I ate, I still felt the same pain. And it used to occur at times, for hours. Soon I figured out that taking really hot water shower took away the pain from notice. I used to be in the shower for hours. That part of the day was the only time when I didn't feel the pain. I used to get out of it, start to feel it again, which used to make me go back in it again.
The situation wasn't getting better and I was almost sure that it's the medicines that are making it worse. But I had to take it, the complete course. The whole day I used to be at home, and there was only one person whose company I would like and I actually got that. Someone took care of what I was eating and that I don't feel alone.
I finally went home. On my way back home, I had to stay at my Uncle's place for the night. I did. There was some occasion that day and so the food made was special which I couldn't have eaten because it would have made my condition worse. I had bread sandwiches that were specially made for me and few apple slices. Everyone went to sleep when I started feeling terrible pain again. But I didn't wanna show that to everyone and so I controlled it. I got up during late night when everyone was sleeping, I threw up everything I had eaten. My stomach was empty. I went and have hot water shower for an hour. I came out and tried sleeping but I couldn't. I think I was able to sleep only for an hour or so when other people had woken up and they were talking to each other about why the bathroom floor was so wet. I was listening to them all but I was pretending that I was asleep (and till date they don't know who went to the bathroom and took shower that early). Reaching home that day I felt good. But when you suffer, people who are near you and love you feel sad. My mom did everything she could to make me feel happy and to forget my suffering. Everything.
I still felt the same amount of pain. I was sure that the pain would never ever go away. I was tired of pain, and I was getting used to it. The whole day I just looked forward night to arrive so that I can finish up those meds and sleep. And I remembered all the moments that I had wasted in my life till then in just working and doing things that were of no importance. You want things in life when you are absolutely alright. But when you are not, you just want to become normal and to be able to live a normal life because that is what is extraordinary. I wanted just that. Every day I used to think about things that I would do if I ever get alright. A stomach ache was forcing me to figure out and think about things that are important and really matter. And I was happy for just that part.
(To be continued...)
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