Hormones

We have always been talking about the good and the bad. The state of mind, the happiness that we look for and the contingencies that we try to avoid. The stability and satisfaction are what we have been thriving for, for a long time now. Of course, we are in pursuit of contentment. It has been continuing for long and yet we fail to define what it is that we are looking for. What am I looking for?

There was a time when everything was clear in mind and I was certain about things and how they work, life was really easy back then. I was special, life is like a mirror is what I used to believe along with several other quotes that defined me. What was I other than those quotes that I had read? As I grew old, things started confusing me and I was never sure about the right and the wrong. What is being wise? I think being wise is to understand that the possibilities are endless. Living an ordinary life is both simple and painful. It is also boring. And we never know what happens after life anyways, so extra-ordinary is to be deserved now.

I am at the peak of confusion right now. In a struggle. A lot of folks whom I love are connected to me who all have some expectations from me. What is my life right now other than their expectations? I feel I am now less made of myself but others.

Confusion is what indicates wiseness too I guess. Because what is really right and wrong? It's all hormones. It's all based on our actions and perspectives. Eating good food can then perhaps make us do good things. But I can't take even a damn smallest decision anymore. I have got worries now due to those expectations.

I used to rely on my intuition most of the times when I took decisions. But my intuitions now tells me that I am doing wrong for almost anything I do. Change is scary sometimes. I always used to find my own solution to the problems  I faced and this time I see only one solution, taking a decision that my intuition denies to take. After all, extraordinary life cannot be made with ordinary decisions.