Too close and yet afar

Everybody doesn't get always a chance to live life the way they want. But we still, somehow, make our way of living. Combined together with all the randomness from this World, it becomes so much confusing to understand what's the right way. And the more boundless we try to be, the more dilemma it creates: Is my way of living right or how she lives is right? or does he know how life should be lived well enough? No matter how strong our beliefs are, I think one day everyone struggles with the thought of whether what they are doing is the right thing to do.

And how happy are we really from the inside thinking about all this?

I have been one of the lucky ones to mostly get what I wish for, or maybe my way of living includes practising gratitude that makes me a little more optimistic and makes me focus more on what I have got rather than what I haven't. I have also always hated comparison (among people) and competition (in living). These things have given people more stress than the feeling of happiness, which comes only when you win something or when you have the better side of something. I care less about it and my way of living is to experience. 

So why do I doubt my way of living then?

In the times long enough to the recent ones, I have mostly got the things I was looking out for, getting to stay with my loved ones, staying away from troubles, getting to travel the parts of the World that I wished to travel and earn enough to afford a good quality of living, house to stay in, good food. I even had this fantasy that the music was played out loud in the world (or in the sky) an important event occurred in my life and here I am in Berlin where I often get to hear music while sitting next to the Spree or while just walking slowly on the path and chasing cars around my head. Things look good enough and yet I feel a sense of pressure in my head. Even I need to focus on my breathing at times. Even I stop in the middle of my work to take 3 long breaths to calm down.

I have got good things in my life and it feels like I am pretty close to getting those that I still wish for. But just because I haven't faced many troubles and disappointments yet doesn't mean I wouldn't face them. and I understand that. What I also understand is that one can't possibly know the end they are looking for because life is not a movie. The only thing that can make us keep going is our way of living. And for the time that's left, we can live a wonderful life by trusting our own way of living rather than being in the doubt. And it's wise to understand that what makes them happy could be considerably different than what makes us truly happy.